and we drive on
MARCH 17, 2013 AT 11:36 PM
MOOD: Overwhelmed mostly
I can already tell you this will be a long, difficult blog post. First off, apologies for the absense, I have no excuse really. A combination of bad time-management and procrastination is to blame I suppose, however I have completely redone the visitor content page, with LOADS of new brushes and other things for you lovely people to all try out, the process of the making of them which I’ve included in the images above! Which also reminds me, I have instagram now. So follow me if you have it! I go on it more or less everyday, so you can find me there.
College is going great, I’ve just started my Final Major Project which is the project I’ll be graded on at the end of my course, which also means that the college year is soon coming to an end. As soon as I settle in there, I have to get used to the fact I’m leaving soon. That’s one year courses for you, heheh. I’ve made loads of new friends and I’ve enjoyed every moment of it so far, I’ve definitely matured loads (as well as the fact I turned 19 two weeks ago!) and I feel more prepped for university than what I was last year. On the subject of university, I have four unconditional places – I didn’t get into my first choice, which was Falmouth University, but I’ve gotten into Lancaster Uni, Leeds Uni, Leeds College of Art & Huddersfield Uni. At the moment, I’m tied between choosing Lancaster, and both of the Leeds ones. I have until May 8th to decide, so I suppose I’ve got a little bit of time to think about it.
Things are looking up, I’m getting work done, and although I can find it overwhelming at times, I know it’s getting better. Now I’m thinking, “why did I put my mood as ‘overwhelmed’ on the top of this blogpost, when I’ve just written how good things are going?” Well, this is why.
I had a car accident yesterday. Literally yesterday. And the thing is, I’m the one who caused it. Everyone was okay, but there is no excuse for car accidents – you know, accidents can happen, they can be prevented, which it could have, but it didn’t. I didn’t realise a junction was a junction, and I feel like such an idiot. I honestly didn’t know what happened, I was in shock for the most of it. I couldn’t open my car door (we drive on the left side of the road) so I had to climb over the passenger seat to get out, and by that time the driver of the other car had come over to check that I was okay and shit. First thing I said, was “I don’t know what happened, was it your fault or mine?”. Fuck, I mean, the feelings I was having right then was overwhelming. How could I not have seen a fucking ‘give way’ sign, or even looked to see if there was a car coming. The worst part was, you know when you drive past a car accident, and you try to look at everything and see what happened? Mutter to yourself “some idiots gone round the corner too fast” or “the twat in the corsa hasn’t looked where he was going”. The feeling to be that twat, that idiot. It was a busy area as well, and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed as drivers peered through their windows to see what mess I had created. It’s my parents car that I drive currently, and I felt awful to have damaged their car to a point that it had to be towed home (the front wheel had bent into the car), plus it’s getting on for 10 years old, so I have no idea whether it’ll be written off or whether it’ll be able to be fixed. that is an awful feeling.
I think we find out tomorrow what’s happening to the car, I think it’s getting picked up – my dads doing most of the paperwork, I have no idea what is happening with all this. I had to ask the driver ‘what are the details’ we needed to exchange and stuff, I felt so fucking embarrassed. I feel sick writing this, seriously. I’m just praying that the car is going to be fixed, the person I hit’s car is going to fixed, and that the year has planned better things for me than this.
So yeah. Give yourself a physical pat on the back if you read all of that, and feel free to give me a physical slap for the whole car thing. I’ve been doing that to myself for the past day and a half either way.